Being paralysed in both legs, I was getting raged like a short fuse. I would smash the window all of a sudden looking up desperately at the north-toward flying formation of wild geese. Similarly, things around me were thrown to the wall when I was listening to the sweet singing of Singer LI Guyi. At that time, Mother got out of the room and listened to my sound in a hidden place. When everything calm, she entered again, gazing at me with moist eyes. “I heard flowers were coming into blossom in Beihai Park. Do you feel like having a look there?” She said as usual. Mother was fond of flowers, but had no mood to raise them due to my illness. “No!” I pounded the irksome legs with my fist, yelling out, “why should I live like this?” Mother threw herself into me, holding my hands tightly and saying in a choked voice, “do not take it too much to heart, will you?”
However, I did not know her illness until it was worsening. It was my younger sister who told me that Mother almost lost sleep every night because of liver disease, tossing and turning in bed.
One day, I stayed at my room alone, staring the falling leaves outside the window. She got in, obstructing my view, “flowers in Beihai Park are in bloom. Maybe I can wheel you there.” She had a begging look in her withered face. “When?” “How about tomorrow?” She said, delighted and surprised by my “when”. “Okay, deal.” I promised. She sat and stood up over and over, “I have to make some preparations.” “Come on, just a few steps, there is no need to get ready for that,” I returned impatiently. She burst out laughing, sat down beside me and murmured, “after seeing chrysanthemums, we go to ’Fang Shan’ (a restaurant) to eat Pea Cake that you used to love. Did you remember that tour to Beihai? You insisted that poplar flowers be worms and ran to step on them one after another...” She stopped suddenly and then stepped out silently, because at that time she was extremely sensitive to the words like “run”.
However, she did not come back forever.
When my neighbors lifted her to the tricycle, she was still vomiting mouthfuls of blood. I could not imagine her condition was worsening so seriously. Also, I could not believe, by no means, tricycle’s leaving suggested our part forever.
The young neighbor man carried me on his back to the hospital to see her. She was toughly breathing just like the way she had lived her hard life. Some told me that her last words were about me the disabled person and my unmarried younger sister.
It was another autumn. My sister wheeled me to see the chrysanthemums in Beihai Park. The yellow ones were simple but elegant; the white were pure but noble; the purple were deep but warm, which were in bloom like the elf in the autumn. I understood my mother’s undone words, and so did my sister. We should not take it too much to heart but less and less...